Redeeming 6

All I wanted to do was sprint over to the Dinniman and wrap her up in my arms, but I couldn’t afford to make another mistake with this girl. Not when I’d already crushed her.

“Are you clean?”

I closed my eyes and nodded weakly. “Yes.”

“Since when?”

“I haven’t touched anything since that night.”

“Because you’re turning over a new leaf?”

“Because I’m fucking ashamed of myself,” I came right out and told her. “Of what I exposed you to. How I treated you.”

There was a long stretch of silence, where I swear I could hear the sound of my own heart thundering in my ears, before she spoke again. “So, two weeks without anything, huh?”

I nodded again. “Yes.”

“Yeah, I’ll be back in five,” I heard her say. “I’m owed a cigarette break… Yes, Julie, I know I don’t smoke, but I cover for you at least seven times a day when you take yours, so I’m having one.” The line was muffled for a few moments before she returned. “Okay, I’m back. Julie’s just being a greedy bitch.”

“Picking fights with coworkers, Molloy?”

“No more than usual.” There was a bite to her tone that she didn’t try to conceal. “And Shane Holland? How many weeks have you been clean of him?”

“The same.”

“How can I believe you?”

“I don’t know.” I exhaled a heavy sigh. “All I have is my word.”

“I want to believe you, Joe,” she whispered down the line. “So badly.”

But you can’t. “I get it,” I replied, roughly clearing my throat. “We both know that I haven’t been the kind of fella you could put your faith in.”

“You didn’t call.” The accusation was there in her voice. “Not once.”

“I couldn’t.” Grimacing in what felt like physical pain, I forced myself to give her my truth. “I only got my phone back this morning.”

“From who?”

“From Tadhg.”

There was a pause. “Why did Tadhg have your phone?”

“Because I needed to not have it.”

“Because?”

I grimaced. “You know why.”

“Joe.” She breathed heavily into the phone, and I didn’t have to be there to know there was a tremor running through her body. I knew because the same tremor was running through mine. “You’re really clean?”

“Yeah, Molloy.” For you. “I really am.”

“Then what are we doing here? Why am I here and you’re not?”

“I need more time.”

“To do what?” she snapped. “To fuck around?”

“To get myself straightened out,” I corrected gruffly, narrowing my eyes. “Don’t even fucking go there when you know that I’m not looking at anyone else.”

“Well, if you’re clean, then why can’t we just…” Stopping short, she blew out a shaky breath and said, “You know what? Forget it. I won’t beg you again. If you’re not calling to get back together, then hang up the phone.”

“Molloy.”

“I mean it, Joe. Don’t call me again. Not unless you’ve changed your tune.”

The line went dead, and I let my head fall back against the concrete wall.

“Fuck.”

Breathing hard and fast, I resisted redialing her number and giving her exactly what she wanted. The only way I was able to stop myself from doing just that was the knowledge that while she might want me, she certainly didn’t need me.

Not now.

Not yet.

Not at all if I couldn’t get a handle on myself.

2

Serving Pints and Pricks

AOIFE

Ending the call, I shoved my phone into the front pocket of my black apron and shook my hands out, desperately trying to get a handle on my emotions before they got the better of me.

One whole week had passed since I landed on Joey’s doorstep on New Year’s Eve, and I was still a walking mess because nothing had changed.

We were still over.

He was still gone.

I was still shredded.

Keep it together, Aoife.

You’re at work.

You can cry when you get home.

Don’t you dare embarrass yourself!

Refusing to give in to the overpowering urge to slump in the corner of the smoking area and rock myself, I pushed my shoulders back, tipped my chin up, and sauntered back to the bar. I might be crumbling to pieces on the inside, but I would do it with dignity, dammit.

He’s just a boy.

Just one boy.

You can survive this.

“Mind the bar,” Julie muttered, skulking past me when I returned to my post. “I’m going for a ciggie.”

Since turning eighteen last September, I’d stepped in enough times behind the bar and pulled enough pints to know my way around a tap. When the orders started trickling in, I handled them with ease, flirting and smiling and sticking out my chest, like the pro I was.

Unfortunately, one of those orders just so happened to come from a man who made my skin crawl.

“Jameson straight, no ice,” Joey’s father demanded from his perch at the bar.

Forcing myself to keep my smile in place, I quickly set to work on preparing his drink, forcing myself to repress a shudder when I felt his eyes on my back.

“What?” Teddy taunted when I set his drink down on the beer mat in front of him. “No sweet talk for me?”

“That will be three euro please,” I replied, jaw aching from the effort it was taking to keep my smile in place.

Reaching into his jeans pocket, he grabbed a fistful of loose change and smacked it down on the counter in front of me, causing pennies and coppers to spill everywhere. “You can count, can’t ya, girl?”

“I sure can,” I replied, unwilling to let him entice me into an argument, as I used my finger to slide the coins toward me. “Enjoy your drink.”

“I’d enjoy my drink a lot more if you popped a few buttons on that blouse.”

Now I did shudder. “Don’t you have a wife at home to be looking after, Teddy?” Moving to the cash register, I tallied up his drink and dropped the coins inside the till drawer before snapping it shut with a clatter. “A pregnant wife.”

I wasn’t unfamiliar with being propositioned by punters. It came hand in hand with the job, but this was Joey’s father. As far as he knew, I was his son’s girlfriend.

This wasn’t his first attempt to lure me out back for a quickie, but that didn’t make it any less disturbing. Dutifully ignoring his comments, I cleared away glasses and wiped down the bar, doing pretty much anything I could to get away from him.

“Tell me something.” Shifting on his stool, he folded his arms across his chest and gave me a heated look. “What are ya doing with him?”

“I presume you mean Joey?” I answered, knowing that he wouldn’t let up until I did.

Nodding stiffly, he never took his cold brown eyes off me.

Fully aware that any admissions from the heart would be wasted on this man, and unwilling to lose my job over him, I slapped on a smile and said, “I told you before. That son of yours is more than able to keep me satisfied.”

“He’s a kid.”

“And what am I?” was my dry response. “A middle-aged woman?”

“If I was your father, you wouldn’t be working behind a bar.”

“You’re certainly old enough to be my father.”

His nostrils flared. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

“Okay, you need to stop.” My smile faded and I gave him a hard look. “If Joey knew that you were speaking to me like this, he would—”

“What?” He cut me off with a threatening lilt to his voice. “He would do what, girl?”

“He would break your fucking neck,” I bit out, keeping my tone low. “So, back off.”

“Well, I don’t see that young fella of mine anywhere, do you?” Elbows resting on the bar, he leaned closer. “What time do ya get off work?”

“A freckle past a hair.”

“What’s that code for?”

“It’s code for never,” I snapped. “As in, it’s never going to happen. Not in your wildest dreams. So, why don’t you finish your drink and clear off across the road to another pub, because whatever you’re looking for, you won’t get it from me.”

“Prick-tease.”

Beyond repulsed, I wandered to the far end of the bar, putting as much space between us as possible. The man made my skin crawl, and the sooner Julie came back from her break, the better.

A few minutes later, he crooked his finger and pointed to his empty glass. Biting back the urge to scream, I begrudgingly returned to his end of the bar and gave him a blank stare.

Teddy slammed another fistful of coins down on the bar. “Another.”

Counting his coppers, I moved to the till and tossed them inside before pouring him another glass of his poison of choice.

Whiskey.

“You know he’s a disaster, don’t ya?” Teddy slurred, nursing the glass I set down in front of him. “Can’t help himself. It’s in his blood.”

I knew that he was talking about Joey, but I refused to play ball with him. Regardless of our current relationship status, or how badly Joey had hurt me by walking away, I was prepared to die on my hill of unwavering fealty to him.

“The boy is fucked in the head,” he continued, taking a sip from his glass. “Always has been. Been a problem from day one.”

“I wonder why.”

He glared at me with those cold eyes. “You think you know everything, don’t ya?”

“I know enough,” I held my ground and replied.

“You know fuck-all.” A cruel smile spread across his face. “He’s either going to end up killing himself or someone else.”

“Then let’s hope it’s you.”

My response surprised him, and he raised a brow. “You’re not afraid of me, are ya, girl?”

“I don’t fear men,” I tossed back, meeting his stare head-on. “Because the man in my life knows how to treat a woman.”

“Already told ya that young fella of mine is still a boy.”

“He’s more of a man than his father.”

Realizing that I had no intention of giving in to his oppression, Teddy dismissed me from his presence with a flick of his wrist, muttering something unintelligible under his breath.

More relieved than angry, I once again moved to the other end of the bar, sighing in relief when my eyes landed on Julie returning from her smoke break.

“Oh good, he’s still here.” Setting her pack of cigarettes under the bar, she fluffed out her hair and smiled. “Something to look at for the evening.”

I knew she was referring to Teddy, and the thought made me want to hurl my lunch up.

To the untrained eye, it could be assumed that he was a beautiful man. He was tall and blond, with golden skin and a strong, muscular physique, but once you knew who he was, once you got a glimpse of the evil lurking beneath the surface, you could never mistake his looks for beauty.

How he fathered five pretty epic humans was beyond me, but he had, and all four of his sons bore an uncanny resemblance to him. Shannon was the exception to the gene pool, clearly taking after Marie in appearance.

My mind drifted back to Joey, and the resentment weighing heavily on my shoulders significantly lightened. Being in the presence of his father, a man Joey had to endure his entire life, caused my skin to crawl and my resolve to weaken.

How could I be angry at him for trying to fight against turning into the piece of shit now propping up the bar? He was terrified of us becoming his parents and had taken drastic measures to stop that from happening.

To protect me.

Telling me that he loved me on the phone earlier wasn’t right—he should’ve been keeping that shit to himself—but I’d be a liar if I said it didn’t soothe the ache in my chest.

Just a smidge.

______________________

“Are you pregnant?” was the first question my mother asked when I walked through the door on Friday evening after work.

“Am I what?” I asked, dropping my bag on the kitchen table and turning to gape at my mother.

“Pregnant,” she repeated, setting her iron down. “You can tell me if you are, Aoife.” Wiping her hands off on her trousers, she stepped around the ironing board and closed the space between us. “I won’t shout at you, love, I promise. But I would rather know now than later on.”

“No, I’m not pregnant,” I snapped, shrugging off my coat then hanging it on the back of the kitchen chair.

“But you are sexually active.”

“Oh my god,” I groaned, kicking off my heels. “What are you going on about, woman?”

“You’re having sex.”

I gave her a look that said, ‘How dare you even suggest such a thing,’ before adding, “And even if I was having sex, which I’m absolutely not, I’m on the pill, remember? You took me to get it when I was fourteen.”

“To help with your heavy periods,” she reminded me. “Not because I was giving you the green light to have sex with Paul.”

“And I didn’t have sex.” Shrugging sheepishly, I added, “With Paul.”

“But you are now.” She offered me a supportive smile. “With Joey.”

I snorted. “No.”

Mam cocked a brow. “Do you think that I came down in the last shower? It’s not your father that you’re talking to. Don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes, young lady. I know well what happens when that boy sleeps over.”

“Oh my god.”

“If you’re sexually active with young Joey, then there’s no need to hide it from me,” she continued. “You’ve been together for a while. I’m not mad, love. I’m just concerned.”

“And so what if I am having sex with him?” I choked out, blushing. “I’m not fourteen anymore, Mam. I’m eighteen, remember?”

“That’s fine,” she replied, voice strained. “Thank you for telling me.”

“You’re…welcome?”

“Now, are you being safe?”

“I’m on the pill,” I repeated slowly. “How much safer can I get?”

“Condoms.”

I scrunched my nose up in awkward discomfort.

Mam’s eyes widened. “Aoife.”

“What?” I threw my hands up. “We’re being safe.”

“So, you’ve been taking your pill at the same time every day?” she pressed, tone laced with concern. “Religiously?”

I balked. “Why are you even asking me all of this?”

“Because you’re moody, you’re spending all of your time holed up in your room, you’re eating like a horse, and you look like you’re seconds away from bursting into tears at any given minute.”

“And that makes me pregnant?” I demanded, hands on my hips. “What’s next? Are you going to tell me that I’ve put on weight, too?”

“Aoife.”

“No, Mam. Jesus, I’m not pregnant.” Shaking my head, I stalked over to the fridge and swung it open. “I had a period before Christmas.”

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes, Mam.” I rolled my eyes. “I specifically remember because I’d been out shopping with Casey that week and didn’t buy this really cute white skirt from The Modern to wear out for Katie’s birthday—even though it was a total bargain at a tenner—because I knew I couldn’t risk wearing it.”

Relief flooded my mother’s eyes. “Oh, thank god for that.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, by the way. I really appreciate how much faith you have in my ability to not ruin my life.” I waved a hand around aimlessly. “I hope you plan on giving Kev the same supportive pep-talk, because he’s a moody bastard who rarely leaves his room, either.”

“Don’t be daft.” Mam batted the air like it was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. “Your brother can’t bring a grandchild home to me in his belly.”

“And you think that Joey and I are thick enough to?”

“I think that you’ve both been swept up in the throes of first love.” Both her eyes and her voice softened when she added, “And I think that a lot of mistakes can be made when emotion takes the driving seat over logic.”

“Well, that shows what you know,” I replied, slamming the fridge closed. “Because Joey and I aren’t even together right now.”

“You’re not?” Her eyes widened. “Oh, I didn’t know, love.”

“Well, now you do,” I said flatly, moving for the door. “I’m nursing a broken heart, Mam, not your grandchild in my belly.”

“Aoife?” she called after me. “Wait, pet, we can talk about it if you want. I’m here for you, love.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I tossed over my shoulder as I thundered up the staircase.

I can’t.

3

Turf War

JOEY

“What the fuck are you on?” Podge demanded, as he chased me around the pitch at the GAA Pavilion on Saturday afternoon with his hurley in hand. “I haven’t seen you this pumped since we won the county final in third year.”

“Nothing,” I panted, narrowly sidestepping him to hook the sliotar with my hurl and tap it back to him. Tony had closed up early, something that left me with my hands hanging, which had led me to text the lads to meet me for a puck around. “I haven’t been out since Christmas.”

“Then what the fuck did Santa put in your stocking?” Alec wheezed, chopping down hard on Podge’s hurl, and robbing the ball. “Speed?”

A reality check. “Nothing.”

Podge narrowed his eyes in disbelief. “Then what the hell is going on with you?”

“Nothing.” I shrugged, breathing hard and fast. “I’m just done with the bullshit.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I’m done fucking around.”

“Meaning he’s too busy getting his hole off Sexy Legs to even think about getting high,” Alec snickered. “Jesus, her pussy must taste like ambrosia or whatever it is the gods eat— Ow, Jesus, fuck, don’t hit me with that.” Clutching the side of his head, he groaned, “Dammit, Joe, you’re lucky I’m wearing a helmet. You could have given me brain damage.”

“No, you’re lucky you’re wearing a helmet,” I shot back, still wielding the boss of my hurl precariously close to his throat. “Next time you even think about my girl’s pussy, I’ll take the head clean off your shoulders, ya hear?”

“Give it a rest, Al,” Podge snapped, dragging my attention back to him. “What does this mean, Joe?” His attention was riveted on my face. “When you say that you’re done fucking around, do you mean with Holland and his crew?”

I nodded stiffly. “I mean with all of it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Shrugging in discomfort, I hooked the sliotar onto my boss and broke off on a solo run before deftly lobbing the ball over the bar of the far-end goal.

With sweat trickling down the back of my neck, I retrieved the sliotar from behind the back of the goal before sprinting off again, desperate to burn the tension out of my body. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone this long without anything in my system. But I was still here, still trying, still hanging in there.

For her.

“How long has it been?” Podge asked when I returned with the ball.

“How long what?” Alec piped up.

“A few weeks,” I replied, using the hem of my jersey to wipe the sweat dripping from my brow. “It’s nothing to sing home about, but it’s a start.”

I had this horrible anxious tremor rolling through me, one that no amount of exercise could settle. I knew why, of course. My body wasn’t craving exercise. It didn’t want food or water, and it wasn’t satisfied with a smoke. It wanted more.

I was fucking ravenous.

But with two weeks of hell put down to get where I was today, I was strong enough to let it starve just a little while longer. One more hour. And then another after that.

Keep fucking going, lad.

“Well, shit.” Podge’s brows shot up in surprise, and he quickly laced the sliotar down the pitch before telling Alec to go long. “Am I wrong in thinking that Aoife has a fair bit to do with this sudden change of lifestyle?” he asked when Alec was out of earshot. “She’s a good influence on you, lad.”

“We’re taking some time out,” I forced myself to admit out loud to quite possibly the only person I trusted aside from the two girls in my life.

I had managed to work an entire week with Tony without disclosing as much as a drizzle of information on my relationship with his daughter. It hadn’t been easy facing him, and the unknown, but to his huge credit, the man treated me exactly the same as always.

“You and Aoife?” Podge asked, eyes widening, and I quickly realized that he wasn’t going to do the same. “Since when?”

“Since I pulled my head out of my ass long enough to see what I was doing to her.”

“Are you serious?”

“Come on, Podge.” I shrugged, deciding to go with the truth for once. “It’s fairly obvious that the road I’ve been traveling down isn’t exactly aligning with the one Aoife’s on, lad.”

“And that matters to you?”

“She matters to me.”

“Are you broken up for good?”

His question caused my heart to plummet into my ass, and my mind to scream fuck, I hope not. “It depends.”

“On what?”

“On whether or not I can get my shit together.”

“Which you apparently have.”

“And now, whether or not I can keep my shit together,” I forced myself to add. “Which, let’s face it, lad, I don’t have the best track record of doing.”

“So, this time-out was her idea?”

“No.” I shook my head. “It was mine.”

“So, does this time-out mean that you guys are seeing other people?”

“No,” I balked, feeling sick to my stomach at the thought. “I don’t want to even think about another girl, lad.”

“Is she?” he pushed. “Thinking about other lads?”

“She should,” I muttered. “But no. I don’t think so.”

“And if she does?”

I bit back the urge to roar. “Then I won’t hold her back.”

“Jesus, you really love her, don’t you?”

More than life.

“So what if I do?” I bit out, immediately on the defensive.

“Nothing, lad, nothing.” He was quick to placate. “It’s just that I’ve known you since junior infants, since we were four, and I’ve never heard you admit your feelings for anyone.”

I shrugged, uncomfortable with this line of questioning.

“Obviously, I noticed that weird chemistry the two of you have the second we walked into first year, but I never realized it was that deep.” He shook his head before admitting, “I always figured the infatuation you had with her had more to do with pissing off Ricey than anything else.”

“Ah, yes.” I smirked to myself, thinking back to the countless times down through the years when Ricey had caught us bantering and lost his shit. “That was an enjoyable perk.”

“Could you have pucked the sliotar any further?” Alec panted, jogging back over to us, ball in hand. “I had to climb into the bushes to get it back.”

“Sorry, Al.” Podge chuckled, and then turned back to offer me a wink. “Keep on keeping it together, Joe.”

“That’s the plan.”

“Keep on keeping it together? The plan?” Alec shook his head and groaned, “Why do I always feel like you two are speaking in riddles around me?”

“Because you’re perceptive,” Podge shot back with a smirk.

“No, no, I’m not,” Alec grumbled. “I know what you two fuckers are doing. Don’t deny it.”

“He said you were perceptive, Al.” I laughed, pucking the ball toward him. “Do you know what ‘perceptive’ means?”

“Of course I know what it means,” Alec huffed, catching the sliotar midair. “It’s when you’re second-guessing everything and don’t trust a word of what’s being said around you.”

Podge threw his head back and laughed, while I scrubbed a hand down my face before muttering, “That’s paranoia, Al.”

“It is?”

Podge chuckled “Yeah, lad. It’s a whole different word with a whole different meaning.”

“Maybe I did hit you too hard before,” I offered dryly.

“Paranoia.” Alec frowned. “Then what’s ‘perceptive’?”

“Something you’ll never be accused of being again,” Podge laughed.

“Right, lads, spread out and we’ll have another puck around before it gets dark,” I instructed, jogging backwards. “We’ve a match against St. Fintan’s next week, and I have no intention of letting those fuckers knock us out of the playoffs.”